sometimes i lie awake at night and weigh out the differences between all the people that i've lost. some of them just walked away. some of them i pushed away. and some of them were stolen.
so here's to you, Zan, for leaving when i needed you most: i'll never be able to hate you the way i want to. i'll never be able to look at you without just a little pain. i'll never, ever be the same person i was when i wanted you to love me back. but i'm not complaining about it. i'm broken, yes - but i don't need anyone else to fix me. thanks for making me see that.
and my dear little BenG... i'm really going to miss you. but i have to let you go, and you have to let me. you've been my best-friend for far too long - it had to end sometime. you're going to make a great soldier and husband and father. and i'm more than happy for you. i need you to believe that. i'll love you forever, no matter where life takes us. you're my favorite webster.
Soosie and Suzette and Lance won't ever see this; they won't ever know how it hurts. but they'll always be a part of who i am. because they loved with all they had. and they fought for what they believed in. and they gave everything to a world that doesn't really understand. education and family and service. that's what you'll always represent to me. thank-you. i miss you.
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