Thursday, August 27, 2009

back and forth.

i was wondering, hypothetically. what would you do, theoretically. if something should happen accidentally or medically. what if your *boyfriend was gone? if he died in a fire from a broken light fixture, or happened to swallow a poisonous mixture. would i find my way back into the picture, if you were suddenly alone? would you call me up, would you write me a letter, would you tie a message to your irish setter? would you try to get through so we could be together? what if your *boyfriend was gone?
["what if your girlfriend was gone?" by carla ulbrich]

it gets so annoying. like a chick magazine with seventeen subscription cards shoved in between. and they fall past my seat and they land at my feet, right next to my pride. how can you beat that? and what can i say, i come from race cars and goth rock. and what can you do, you're just california gridlock. i'm a broken down camaro, overheated. but you'll never know you're the one who caused this crash.
["race cars and goth rock" by butch walker]

annie, are you ok? would you tell us that you're ok? there's a sign in the window, that he struck you, a crescendo, annie.
["smooth criminal" by michael jackson]

here's the thing, we started off friends. it was cool, but it was all pretend.
["since u been gone" by kelly clarkson]

now that she's back in the atmosphere with drops of jupiter in her hair, she acts like summer and walks like rain. reminds me that there's time to change.
["drops of jupiter" by train]

it's a sad picture. the final blow hits ya. somebody else gets what you wanted again. and then it's all the same. another time and place. repeating history and you're getting sick of it. but i believe in whatever you do. and i'll do anything to see it through. because these things will change. can you feel it now? these walls that they put up to hold *you back will fall down. this revolution, the time will come for *you to finally win.
["change" by taylor swift]


have you ever heard a song and thought that it could say how you feel better than anything you could think of? this is a conversation that my ex and i had today - texting. at the end of it he said "i like when we talk via songs... i'm not sure why, but i know that no one else has ever been as good with it as you are." i do really enjoy using someone else's words to say how i feel. maybe because it makes the message a little less harsh.
*these lyrics have been changed

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Little rascals

Dear Darla,
I hate you're stinkin' guts.
You make me vomit.
You are the scum between my toes.
Love,
Alfalfa

Why does this make me smile?

Monday, August 24, 2009

Proust

Marcel Proust once said, "In love, happiness is an abnormal state."

I don't believe or understand that. At all. When I do finally fall truly, deeply, madly in love - I'm pretty sure that I'll be happy. Maybe not 100% of the time, but definitely for the majority of my life. I'm sure that my future love will at some point upset me, possibly even do something to make me sad. But if I'm in love, real-life honest-to-goodness LOVE, then I know that I won't be able to stay that way for too long.
Love should fill you up inside with good feelings. If it's anything less than everything you've ever expected, is it real?

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sylvie's song

This poem is in Lewis Carroll's novel Sylvie and Bruno Concluded and I absolutely adore it. It describes the way I feel about you nearly perfectly.


Say, what is the spell, when her fledglings are cheeping,
That lures the bird home to her nest?
Or wakes the tired mother, whose infant is weeping,
To cuddle and croon it to rest?
What's the magic that charms the glad babe in her arms,
Till it cooes with the voice of the dove?

'Tis a secret, and so let us whisper it low --
And the name of the secret is Love!

For I think it is Love,
For I feel it is Love,
For I'm sure it is nothing but Love!

Say whose is the skill that paints valley and hill,
Like a picture so fair to the sight?
That flecks the green meadow with sunshine and shadow,
Till the little lambs leap with delight?

'Tis a secret untold to hearts cruel and cold,
Though 'tis sung by the angels above,
In notes that ring clear for the ears that can hear --
And the name of the secret is Love!

For I think it is Love,
For I feel it is Love,
For I'm sure it is nothing but Love!


Do these words scare you? They scare me a little. But I can't help but think the word love whenever I think of you. I feel it. I'm sure that it's true. I just can't say it yet.
If I could tell you how broken my heart has been for the past five years, then I think you might understand. Telling you is really hard though. Would you make fun of me? Would you think less of me, for having given my heart away so foolishly? Would you ever be able to love me back?
So, instead of telling you how broken my heart is, I'm waiting until I can tell you how broken it was. Because every day I'm with you I can feel it heal a little bit more.