"i'm a mess and you know that i can't help it."

these days are hard.

if and when i happen to see your face
...my whole world comes crashing down all over again.
it makes me feel sick.
it rips my heart open.

and nights that i don't dream of you
...i wake up and remember that you're not mine anymore.
it hits me like a train.
it stops my breath.

because i want so badly to stop it
...every part of me wants to hurt myself.
it's not fair that you can hurt me.
it's not fair that you don't even see it.

i'm having trouble believing that you ever cared in the first place.
i just don't understand why you were my best friend and now you're nothing.
you don't know how much it hurts.
i need to get out of here, away from you, away from this town.
but i can't go anywhere.
and the worst part is that i don't think i would survive anywhere else
...because there's no chance of seeing you anywhere but here.

i may be little deranged.